taking punk rock to bed ...

i know the sun has got to be on its way. it's a strange feeling i get when i look at the clock and see that it's surely morning for most people. for me, it's yet another night without sleep. got to love the life.

i do try and lay down, seriously. but there i am with one thought running through my mind: "if you could sleep with liz phair, that would be your crowning achievement."

i suppose that is a commentary on who i am as a man. i see so little accomplishment in the good that humans do for each other, and so much accomplishment in the act of getting naked before the one you love. and i don't really have an explanation for that. i guess that's just the way that i see the world.

i stood at the pizza parlor the other day and listened to one of my friends talk about how her boyfriend would let her stray as long as it was for a celebrity that she had dreamed of. and it got me thinking, who would i want to sleep with ... if the opportunity presented itself.

of course, i am not the kind of man to fantasize about a woman that i don't know. and surely, i have never fantasized about liz phair either. don't get me wrong. i guess it's just not my deal. i think i would want my girlfriend to let me sleep with one other person, no questions asked. is that asking too much?

to me, it feels like it's the exact same thing. in fact, i am not sure that i could allow my lover to take to bed with a rich and famous man. where would be the sanity in that? i mean, why would she ever want to come back to me.

i am not sure what this american fascination with the celebrity is. maybe it's just that we see them as living that american dream that we would like to believe is a real possibility for the rest of us. of course, that makes me wonder what exactly constitutes the american dream. is it having sex with multiple women? having all the possessions that one man could dream of?

i guess i always thought that if i could have anything (other than the opportunity to have sex with two women at once) it would be to ensure that my children and their children would be able to live happy and productive lives for the rest of their existences. is that asking too much? and why is that not the american dream?

sometimes i wonder if parents understand how much they owe their children. do people understand that children never choose to be part of this world. and i am sure that if you gave most children the choice, they would opt to go back to wherever it is that they came from.

well ... no, that's a stupid thought. there i go again, thinking i understand what would make other people happy.

do i even have a point tonight? seriously, i need to stop writing when i am tired and wishing i could sleep. i am not sure that this serves any purpose. for my experience, i find that it is best to write stream on conscious when you are tired and listless. but what the fuck do i know. after all, i wrote this shit. but at least i didn't read it. so the joke, ultimately, is on you. hahaha.